Assassin Club

Henry Golding is "Morgan", somewhat reluctantly tasked by his handler "Caldwell" (Sam Neill) with an unique challenge. It seems he is embroiled in a game of death - and there are six other professional hit-people out there all determined to kill him (unless he kills them first). He wants to retire to a settled life with his teacher girlfriend "Sophie" (Daniela Melchior) but when the two of them encounter "Drakos" (Lorenzo Buran) in a public park, he realises that the choice isn't going to be his! The idea isn't bad, but what now ensues is all rather poor, sorry. There is plenty of pace but the delivery has more holes that a Swiss cheese festival. These are supposed to be amongst the most lethal and devious folks alive yet they all find each other with ease; there is way too much sentiment as the drama predictably unfolds and the underlying ownership of the plot is convoluted and really weak. Now had we spent a little longer with Golding in his one and only shower scene, then perhaps that might have redeemed his otherwise really hammy performance, but we don't so it doesn't, and coupled with a frankly terrible effort from the wooden-as-ever Neill and the almost pantomime-menace contribution from Noomi Rapace as the police investigator "Vos" - a woman with quite a secret - we are left with a film that stays defiantly in the realms of a flat-footed and over-scripted television movie. Someone, somewhere, is determined to make Henry Golding a star. Good luck with that - he has all the charisma of a wet beer mat.

This is the best movie I have ever seen, period, and no I'm not being hyperbolic! The set pieces, the acting, the drama... chef's kiss! Jokes aside, it hits at right about average. The concept is nothing new (see: John Wick, Seven Psychopaths, Mr and Mrs Smith, etc.) but some uniqueness is pleasantly on the menu, like for instance the drop box in Paris full of fingers. Basically, some guy you've never seen before works for the dad in Jurassic Park as a hitman and he plays cat and mouse against the female protagonist from Prometheus. The conceit is that a whole gang of assassin's are all hired to kill each other, each in their own boilerplate fashion... You've got the axe murderer, the demolitions expert, the black widow, yada yada yada -- our main man has a kink for cameras. He seems to know where to buy gadgets ten times smaller and more effective than the ones you can get at Best Buy, but I digress. It will leave your short-term memory pretty much immediately, but if you're hankering for some unheard of schlock than it's worth the low-low price of admission.